Cool as the Other Side of the Ad

Unfortunately I have to tread a little lighter than usual when it comes to sounding my opinions here. Being employed will do that to you.
Just over a year ago I was a victim of this wonderful economy of ours and found myself on the wrong end of layoffs at a top agency in Baltimore. Thus I embarked on a 9-month voyage of self employment. I quickly found out that it’s not as fun going it alone—something I learned years ago.

So, I ended up spending more time trying to find a job than working on those I already had. And after 9 long months the job offers flooded in, and I found myself sitting at a desk writing copy once again. However, this time it was not in an agency, but on the client side for eInstruction.

Now that I’m on the other side of advertising, people are asking me which I like better—agency-side or client-side? Well…it depends.

I know that answer is right up there with an MVP saying he’d like to thank the lord when asked what it’s like to win the Super Bowl, but honestly it truly does depend on what you’re looking for. Each side has its positives and negatives.

For one, I met with one of my old agencies last week who is trying to gain business from us. The sense of unremitting power was overwhelming.

That's a rarity. But, as a copywriter, you typically get three things at an agency you don’t get on the client side—Cushion, Filter, and Creative.

Cushion—at an agency there are numerous people between you and the client. On the client side you’re constantly face to face with your so-called client. You don’t get the comfy bubble you can find in an agency creative department. You don’t have to deal with all the back and forth wishy-washy crap the client goes through on a daily basis—“Are we or aren’t we?” “Should we or shouldn’t we?” A lot of decisions are already made before that creative brief hits your desk at an agency.

Filter—when you’re a copywriter at an agency a lot of what you say never quite makes it to the person who needs to hear it, and vice versa. Even if you talk directly to your client, chances are they have to go relay what you say to someone higher up. It’s never said the right way and the message never quite makes it. On the client side you’re talking right to the client and the filter, for the most part, is lifted.

Creative—typically, but of course not always, the majority of the creative work comes from the agency side. That’s where you’ll find your ADDY, TELLY, CLIO, etc. Then there are the exceptions to the rule, like Under Armour. An extremely large percentage of their work is done in house, and they have some great creative.

Under Armour - Breakdown (2003) - 0:30 (USA)

So, if you’re someone that prefers the agency, but can’t find a place just yet, a job on the client side that balances a nice combination of all of this can be a very happy home.

You Don't Know What You're Talking About

I'm taking a step away from my usual content to offer insight on the MLB Postseason to all those who hate it...

For all you Yankee haters out there. And all those who say MLB needs a salary cap so the same teams don't keep winning the championship, here's a lesson for you. Learn it before you utter another false claim.

Since 2000 no team has defended a championship in MLB. The only other major sport that can say that is hockey...and that only dates back to 1998. However, since 1995 the Red Wings have been in and won as many championship series as the Yankees. In fact, there's only one MLB team that has won more than one championship since 2000…the Red Sox (not the Yankees).

NBA—every season from 1987 to 2002 featured a 2 or 3 repeat winner, except for the 1999 Spurs, but even the Spurs have won 4 since then, and 3 out of the last 6. In fact, since 1980 only 9 different teams have won the NBA championship (MLB-18, only 2 repeats). Only the Heat and 76ers have just one championship in that time (Rockets-2, Pistons-3). 5 out of 30 teams dominate the NBA.

NFL—Patriots repeated in 2004 and 2005, and won 3 out of 4. Steelers have won 2 out of the last 4. 5 of the last 8 Super Bowls have been won by 2 teams. There have also been 4 repeat champs since 1989 (5 since 1979). Only 15 different teams have won the Super Bowl since 1979. And there are more teams in the NFL.

So don't say MLB needs to change. They, and the NHL, have it under better control than any other sport.

"But Wait, I'm Gonna Shove More Crap Down Your Throat"

Ok, I think it's about time I drew some attention to this smug s.o.b. on the left over there. "Here kids these cigarettes will make your throat less irritated." Seriously, we only trust doctors and scientist until they tell us they were wrong, and for some stupid reason we still trust these m-f-ers when they tell us the next thing to do. They're the ones that can make you feel secure about a product, and they're always pushing products that you see a year later in ambulance-chasing lawyer commercials. Can't wait to see the side effects of that colon cleanser I saw at 3:30 in the morning. All I know is I'm gonna think twice next time I go in for a hernia check, or a prostate examination. "DO I LOOK LIKE AN 80-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? Then please remove your hand from my rectum and save it for your infomercials you sick bastard."
  
But all of this does give me something to ad to over-promising infomercials.

Now, I've done my share of infomercials, but it’s a little harder to oversell a trip to Hawaii than it is a glorified paper towel. (I also want to add that I am not responsible for the upkeep of the VTTV site)

I saw an infomercial recently for a commercial-grade blender that they pushed as a healthy alternative to high-calorie juices and sodas. Yeah right, because I'm actually going to go spend $50 on bananas, kiwis, mangos, and black raspberries when I could spend the same amount on rum, gin, and vodka and just throw it all in the blender with some OJ.

IMPORTANT: Be mindful of your etiquette. If you're going to endorse a product like this, don't call the cops after you slap a hooker. Also, never write a line like "You're gonna love my nuts." It's funny to get a laugh out of Creative Directors or give AEs heart attacks, but how can you pitch that to a client? "We're going to say, 'You're gonna love my nuts.' No seriously. No really. Stop laughing." Makes me wonder what else we can love with the Slap Chop. Pickles, chickpeas, melons, chocolate salty balls? And when will we finally be rid of Tony Little? You're almost as obnoxious as Michael Moore. Still, infomercials have their place and they do tend to unload a lot of product. They're not all bad I suppose, but I ask you, how many ab machines do you have in your basement? Or dull knives in your drawers? Don't be ashamed, we all have flowbees in our closets.

Now, I can't conclude our little journey through infomercial land without a mention of Billy Mays. You were the best thing to happen to infomercials since Ron Popeil. God bless ya.
 

I Only Like You When You Buy Me a Drink

I have a little something to ad about our colleague the Account Executive (AE). I'm saying this now because, well, I'm not with an agency as of right now, and once I'm with one I won't want to be running my mouth (though it is still probably ill-advised to do so now), but I'm sure my fellow writers and art director cohorts will be with me all the way.

For the most part, AEs are only worth their salt when they're buying me a drink. And guess how many times that has happened. There are the occasional few that do their job, and they're the ones I'm sure I'll be hearing it from after they read this post, but I'm also damn sure they know who I'm talking about.

The problem is they think their job is to tell us how to do our job. It's not. We have creative directors for that. And god forbid if you try to get them to do the job they were actually hired for. Good luck getting a decent creative brief out of them, or a straight answer, or even getting them to call the damn client when you need them to. It would be a whole lot easier writing in your own blood then getting them on your side when the client has an issue.

"Stop selling the client to me and start selling me to the client," a wise line from the beloved Mad Men. It seems that many AEs forget who they're working with and for. And too often they forget what side of the office they work on. Instead of convincing the client why our strategy works best for them they stand over our shoulder telling us what to write (or what color they like) and telling us to do it quicker. "LISTEN! There's a reason you're not on the creative team. Deal with it."

Now, I'm not one to turn my head and not listen to opinions, but when you start telling me what to do instead of talking it through with me, that's when we have a problem.

The argument I always hear from these types of AEs is, "It's our job to think like the client." Let me tell you, thinking like the client doesn't mean railroading your creative team. The only thing worse than a pain-in-the-ass client is the AE who enables them. Again, like the random AE, not all clients bend you over the drawing table. But when you're fighting with your AE and four client reps about why you did what you did after you've laid out the concept and creative based on their strategy, who's the one that didn't do their job?

Still, even if they never do buy me a drink, they at least give me a good reason to buy myself one every day. "To the AE!"

It's the Southwestiest

Seeming that I was so negative in an earlier posting with Jiffy Lube, I decided I have something to ad that is a little more positive…Southwest. I just flew down to Tampa on Saturday (jealous Baltimore?) and the flight was excellent.

The only semi-annoying thing was I ran late and the woman at the front counter wrestled with her jammed stapler as my bag (which was probably going to miss the flight) sat on the scale instead of being put on the conveyor belt. Other than that little quirk, I love Southwest. By the way, my bag made it on the flight safe and sound. Well, it made it on anyway. I can't attest for what BWI did to it.

I know there are a lot of people out there that hate Southwest because of claims that they herd people like cattle, but honestly they don't even really do that anymore. And seriously, that's the only true flaw anyone can point out about them.

Wanna change your seat on another airline? Woops, sorry. You're in row F, seat U. And Southwest actually gives you snacks. On a 12 hour trip to Hawaii a few years ago aboard an unnamed airline (I'm trying to stay positive) there wasn’t as much as a single peanut, and you had to ask for water.

On a Southwest flight from Baltimore to Albany (an hour flight) I get a soda and peanuts. On a Southwest flight from Baltimore to Tampa (a two hour flight) I get a soda, peanuts, and some sort of crackers. Oh yeah, and they're barely even $100 round trip (Albany is $80 right now). Cheaper and food? It's no wonder every other big airline is going under.

Southwest is so wonderful and cheery in my eyes I swear they could speak like Smurfs. "Welcome to the Southwestiest Southwest where your Southwest is always in good Southwest. How can I Southwest you today?" They even fly blue planes for chrip's sake. A bit Papa Smurf-ish, no?

Plus, you never have to walk past those damn snooty first-class people with their champagne and actual reclining seats.

And their advertising is not only the best among airlines, it's among the best period. It's always on point, downright hilarious, and they back up everything they say. And they've been doing it longer than you think.